Messy Mind of Mine

i was labeled once as an individual contributor. to some extend, it is a permanent preference. to have no accountability onto another person - delegating work, developing capabilities and i hate the most - when its appraisal time. because i know how bad i am at defending a score. even when i have full conviction of it.   my down-line is a person of confidence. she is smart, hardworking and best of all - mature. better than me. and she toes the line to the best she can, until she can't no more. she sits in front of me at work - many tease that i wanna keep my eagle eye on her. actually, i just want to communicate easier is all. and to minimise the walk to her place before. :P  of course, i love her as she has greatly helped with my work. but that means added 'care' which i wish i don't have. so i was jittery about today, about not wanting to fail her in getting her the best score i could get. and that's stupid right? that's the kind of 'care' i d...

I have not blogged for ages now. I drop by here every now and then - and all i see are rants of the past that has been sporadically sprinkled into words and posts. Last one being about how we experienced the Tour Agent from Hell. Since then, the TAFH has disappeared from the face of soc med, having been unraveled by other more vocal victims. And the blog is left, unattended.  Trust that there has many times that i feel like sprinkling again, but the magic wont come. Have not done much writing elsewhere either. Thinking, aligning, band-aiding and crunching figures took most of my time, apart from getting dirty in the actual mud work.  Breadth and depth - my T is difficult to rear well. While 'you are being groomed' is being dropped in conversations every now and then - and always always received the same negating response from me - so many efforts are evidenced to being put to somehow get me out there and i fracking hate it.  Sure, i love the idea of more pow...