Messy Mind of Mine

I am not well. Sure you cant see it from the outside but internally i'd like to think i am damaged goods. It doesnt help that i am not making her happy. I promised half n half but the journey is slow. Not sure how patient she can be. But i suppose if the choice is to fulfill the needs to the level that i cant deliver then i accept the ending. I cant bend like a broken branch overnite. Does it add to the pressure? Yes of course. I do feel the pressure to 'deliver'. Especially when all i can think of these days is falling down and never getting up. Its not a grey i am agreeing. But should it happen again, i think she knows the answer. 

I am sorry that my 'trying to be better' doubts you.  Sure, i am afraid of losing you and sure, KK may see it as 'kasi dia sedar' - funny like i am the one trying to cheat (yes, insert the motivation) here - if my efforts are being questioned then would we rather that we dont try at all? So yes, perhaps i am not sorry at all. I am trying to move on and forget that you had made me feel inadequate by doing what you did but it aint gonna help if every gesture i make is being weighed for its authenticity.  That hurts.