FOMO

-

this is a lifetime problem. I have humongous issue of FOMO. maybe it stemmed from my two sisters who closed the door to shut me out of the room when they wanted to chat. maybe because i have always felt invisible amongst my family and all i know are in passing, not intentionally told to me. maybe because i grew up knowing no one in my family gives a fuck about me.

i hate that sometimes my colleagues eat without me. i hate that sometimes JC knows something earlier than me. our friendship is drying out, i got no plans to water it. after months of the disturbed feelings, i come to realise hardly anyone give a fuck abt me. 

why am i groveling about this? i blame my childhood. completely. 

and now, i am to be a good daughter. again, while my siblings enjoy their lives blissfully, accountability-free. fucks. i know this is really not-so-ikhlas of me, and believe me, i am trying to be better at it. 

i friggin try. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I didnt get it today | its that time of the year

-
So no, I no rezeki today. No AZ for me. Couldnt even get to the page to select date and location. Oh well. I suppose what pissed me off was some people from office who did get to book, was dishing out recipes to get through. wtfish.  Noticed this for some years. Apparently most of my friends who married their college sweethearts got married in May. plenty of 19 years anniversaries going around in FB lately. I dont feel like I an missing out. I just feel bitter that I didnt see this - my future - back then. Could have prepared better. I guess. But life isnt so bad for me. I am literally standing on my own two feet. What I do not have is a husband and some bunch of kids. Does that make my life incomplete?  Not all of us are destined for family; with a family car parked, a double-storey house with a garden up front, and occasional steambot BBQ. I dont have that. I dont have anniversaries I could shout about. But i try hard to stick it in my heart and head, that I am doing exactly...
Read more

of suzy

-
As pntm claimed on her blog, so i have given the a-okay to remain where she is in the suzy-site. Yes suzy is still there and so are other non-suzys. Fine, make friends. Life should be colorful kan. So a non-suzy came along. Became friends they did. I guess the older we get the less we want to spend our time worrying about whether non-suzy will turn out to be another suzy. If yes, out the door you go and be suzy-ful as you wish. But no. Non-suzy remains non-suzy so far.  And non-suzy comes with a mrs non-suzy. Who happened to be insecure about non-suzy and pntm. Wow. So a three-way meet happened. Without me of course. And sure i am very much okay with that. Coz i have no interest to know non-suzy or mrs non-suzy. But what angers me are the questions thrown at pntm by mrs non-suzy. Even if she is sizing up pntm cant she do it with a bit more manners given her 'superiority' in age? And rightfully maturity? I dont like the 'patrony' way of mrs non-suzy. ...
Read more

Half full?

-
I did badly today in facilitating the discussion. My ego says its my track so i should be facilitating and guiding the discussion.  Instead Ili was doing most of the talking. I feel/ felt bad. But not really2 bad. Am i better at reframing myself?  I dont want to be too hard on myself. But i cant shake the feeling that i am not performing.
Read more