feedback is a gift

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Was away for almost a month. Umrah and London. Close to 2 weeks each. 

Came back to a rain of feedback from every where possible, a friend who is trying really hard to make something of himself through an opportunity i gave him (yes i am assuming and judging, which is also one of the feedback i received), a short but demanding list of work and a very unsettling feeling that is leaving me unable to sleep, despite the weaning jet lag. 

first i read my 360 feedback. then i went to a botched lunch. thought i know my friend well not to stab me in the back like he did, and nonchalant about it later too. then i got another feedback from the big boss. then the friend decided to again fuck me about work. and then another feedback. wow. a marvelous Monday and Tuesday, i give you. hah!


and now i cant sleep because i cant get over the last feedback i received. history is repeating itself and it is not even about me. am feeling nervous about facing tomorrow and days after. i am not exactly thrilled to know i am in line to the DD throne. i dont wanna. i know my gaps; unfixable gaps. how am i to thrive in the land of politics and hidden-agenda disneyland? 

but that does not bug as much right this very moment. i want to cry and shout out or share my grieve with someone but i dont know who i can trust with it. talking about it also means another person knowing about it and judging me about it. (ironic that i am said as presumptuous and judgmental when i think other punish me daily for this)


i need to resolve this inner issue of mine. fast. and i do not know how. 

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