My heart will go on
It's been more than 7 years since i left her. And last week, she got married. I thought it wouldnt bug me so much. But it did. Too much, in fact.
I cried a lot over her and the change in our rship. I didnt cry this much when i left her back then. I was soaked and so stoked with the happiness of finally being with 'the one'. I didn't know back then how she had suffered. I felt that same feeling today - of wanting to simply crash into a wall and die.
See, PNTM is not a bad person. She has taken care of me and protect me, especially more after the break-in. Of course she is not without weaknesses, and so am I. So yes, I thought I had it all balanced up. What is life without some ups and downs, yeah?
But, her marriage shattered me, to the core. I felt left behind, unloved and unwanted. See, she is the one thing that is permanent in my heart. We grew up together, built our lives together in KL and survived the early years together.
So I left her. I left her and I made her very unhappy. And I prayed so many times for her to find her own happiness. How arrogant was I? And finally she found it, secured it and I am left feeling... this painful poke in my heart.
An endless pain, too. Dramatic, she'd say of me but this is how I feel. The fact is - I allowed her to find a different happiness that doesn't include me and I cant accept that.
Foolish, selfish bitch I am for feeling this way.
I cried a lot over her and the change in our rship. I didnt cry this much when i left her back then. I was soaked and so stoked with the happiness of finally being with 'the one'. I didn't know back then how she had suffered. I felt that same feeling today - of wanting to simply crash into a wall and die.
See, PNTM is not a bad person. She has taken care of me and protect me, especially more after the break-in. Of course she is not without weaknesses, and so am I. So yes, I thought I had it all balanced up. What is life without some ups and downs, yeah?
But, her marriage shattered me, to the core. I felt left behind, unloved and unwanted. See, she is the one thing that is permanent in my heart. We grew up together, built our lives together in KL and survived the early years together.
So I left her. I left her and I made her very unhappy. And I prayed so many times for her to find her own happiness. How arrogant was I? And finally she found it, secured it and I am left feeling... this painful poke in my heart.
An endless pain, too. Dramatic, she'd say of me but this is how I feel. The fact is - I allowed her to find a different happiness that doesn't include me and I cant accept that.
Foolish, selfish bitch I am for feeling this way.
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